M & I

It's the same story every time...I bump into Mr. M, a taxing experience, indeed...and as always, he rattles off "smile, my dear, tomorrow will be worse"...and, please don't ask why, blame it on that discerning smile that tailgates his words... I do, and somehow, it always is! Can you blame me if I dread these meetings?

And fortuitous as it may seem, he presents himself every time (and more often than not) when my mind, heart, body and soul go to war...no teams - just a simple game of one on one...and as he sees my face, and its penumbra, the struggles so evident, "nothing is as easy as it looks, my dear" are his words, slicing my brows.

Normally, I can boast being a patient, non-temperamental person, but today it was a little different...today, I was nurturing an angry heart... I needed some bounteous words...words of compassion, tenderness...words that may alleviate some of this feeling, to reduce this desire to complain about the whole world ... why, you ask... hey, no reason, one of those rare moments of self-analysis and the realization of opportunities lost, of moments when I could have done something, the ennui of losing something/anything that isn't mine to start with...and now it is gone (believe me, the feeling was as vague as the description I give above) .

But Mr. M. was his usual self..."all that's good is taken, isn't it?" It wasn't a question, more of an affidavit. "It did seem too good to be true, didn't it? Well, if it did, it probably was." He wasn't helping...could someone tell him that?! But something about his chafe words was having an effect on me... some work on my psyche. He continued, "if everything seemed to be going well, you had obviously overlooked something. I know things were moving well, but if you perceived that there were four possible ways in which something could go wrong, and had circumvented those, then a fifth way, unprepared for, must have promptly developed." He didn't have to tell me twice, this was, after all, a moment of mistakes remembered.

Nettled, I almost lost it..."I get it, Murphy, if anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway, right?!" I looked at him looking at me, a sagacious look in those eyes, and then, suddenly it dawned on me...and in spite of myself, I smiled (I know, it may be worse tomorrow).

This is what he has been trying to show me... sometimes things may feel so pernicious, that emotions tend to turn to a greyer side of the "normal" spectrum of depression...to the place where there is so much cynicism that you actually start carousing.

...in his own skewed up way, he just made me like him...an optimist!

Things have changed now. Now I do not try to wriggle out of a meeting with him, in fact, I look forward to them. His opinions do not irk me anymore... he has something to say for everything...be it life, logic, war, sex, love...you name it...I have started penning them down...thought I would share some with you...who knows, you may become a believer like me too.

...on Life
- Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Everything takes longer than you think.
- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
- Mother Nature is a bitch.
- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
- Every solution breeds new problems.

...on Logic
- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
- All great discoveries are made by mistake.
- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
- All's well that ends.
- The first myth of management is that it exists.
- If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
- Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
- When all else fails, read the instructions.
- Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

...on War
- The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
- The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
- The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
- If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
- There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

...on Sex
- Nothing improves with age.
- No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
- There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
- Virginity can be cured.
- Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
- Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
- It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
- There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
- Do it only with the best.
- Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
- Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
- A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
- Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

...on Love
- All the good ones are taken.
- If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
- Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
- There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
- Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
- Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

And remember "if anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway".

After all, Murphy was an optimist!!