...One door closes, one opens? Why does the door close on someone else and open for another one?

Turmoil in the mind, in our hearts, our conscience...opening my eyes to reality...to life...trying to see the world that exists outside my bubble...it hurts. Anger, noise, violence (mental and physical), chaos, suffering ...

Am trying not to shut down again...I realize closing my eyes doesnt make it all go away. But...I want to do more... I WANT TO BE MORE!!!

...and yet, in the middle of all this hate, I am falling in love all over again... deeply madly

December 20, 2012...Thursday...2:44pm...
...
....
...
.... :) :)

...in limbo. ...should enjoy it.

I hope our thirst to live is not bound by this life...it transcends into something much more superior... almost unfathomable.

I want to continue speaking in present tense because, in every way I see, I hope they all live on... through the thoughts, memories, our beliefs and faith (...in whatever you need to 'live').

We are at a point of asking "why"... and I hope that with time, we are all able to answer this question for ourselves, understand and accept that answer, and learn to continue living the way we should ...

I dont know how brave we all are, but I know when we get hit, we adapt, we learn, we move on. Human beings forget pain ... that's the beauty of it. It doesn't mean memories or love is lost, but just that time helps to slowly change the definition of pain...of survival. Respect time and its power.

- 30 May, 2011

My dearest friend... I know its impossible to see right now... but I hope [against all hope] that faith returns one day... you believe, once again, in the 'grand design'... and... somehow... someday... this pain gets justfied.

- February 16, 2011

... do birds have vertigo?

A drink.

... as I sat with akka and Porus, with a chilled glass of white russian in my hand, discussing trips to heaven (or hell) and back, I realized why death does not seem like "that bad a deal"...

... it will mean that I will finally get a chance to share that drink with papa ... though we might have to shift to beer or whisky, from what I remember :) I think I am looking forward to this with a lot of excitement and apprehension... I wonder- will he have better capacity than me? I am, after all, his daughter, and I am GOOOOD at this :)

But, for now, I think I will just sit back and enjoy the moment with my sister and husband. I am in no rush yet... though I do feel better knowing it's only uphill :)

That drink will just have to wait.

Saved

... does his rectitude shield me from my inadvertencies...
... does his sanguinity keep me from being jaded...
... does his competency ensure I move on, irrespective...
... do his prayers make up for the lack of mine...

... will his unwavering affection save me from myself...

...could I possibly be that fortunate